Last night, I visited Brandon at the bakery. We got high with Dillen and Sara, and Dillen gave me a job slicing bread on Fridays and Saturdays, 2-6. It will start June, the second week.
Brandon asked whether, if I die, the house on Bradford would go to Cindy. I said yes, it is in our will that if either of us dies, all our property goes to the other. That got me thinking about dying. At first, it scared me, the thought of dying down near Bradford, perhaps in some street asault. Fear gripped me as I considered the possibility that I'm fated to die there. I don't like fear, so I shifted to desire. I desired death.
I roused myself from my thoughts to give Brandon this resolve: "Although I am aware of my death desire, I choose life. Before God, if God cares to know, and Brandon, I resolve to stay alive and well."
That felt like a good step.
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